I Wanna Die On The Highest High
by mcflyPARtYGiRL
Summary: Dougie's POV
1. Dougie's POV

There it was again, another smart arse remark that made everybody except me laugh. I sat there and stared at the wall, fighting the tears that were behind my eyes. Why were people so cruel? They had been making fun of me ever since we got home from a day of interviews. At the start I would laugh along. But then some things just go too far. I can't stand to hear any more of it and walk away. As I leave the living room I hear someone say something about taking a joke but I don't really hear it properly. I go up to my bedroom. I sit in the darkness. I feel a bit better now that I'm alone. But soon I can't help but want someone to come and find me, to ask me if I'm ok. I want somebody to actually care about me. I don't want to be just the stupid bass player for a stupid band. Minutes pass and still nobody comes to look for me. I've thought about this for weeks now. I kept asking myself is it worth it but now I know.

So I reach over and flick the bedside lamp on. My room is engulfed in a soft glow as I get up and walk into the adjoining bathroom. I open the medicine cabinet and pick up two bottles. I open the first one and shake a handful of the small white tablets onto my palm. I am about to throw them into my mouth when I realise I don't have a glass of water to get them down. Angrily I tip the tablets back into the bottle; some miss the bottle and bounce around on the tiles for a moment. I put the bottles back then leave my room to go downstairs. I walk into the kitchen and grab a glass of water.

"Jerking off got ya a bit thirsty mate?" Harry yells from the living room. I don't answer as I go back towards the stairs. "Oh, I get the silent treatment," I hear him say. I shake my head. He has no fucking idea. Once back in my room I close the door and go back to the bathroom. I take out the bottles and once again tip a handful of those white tablets into my palm, those little sleeping tablets. I put a couple in my mouth and take a drink of water. I tried this a long time ago and ended up spitting them out. But this time there is no turning back. I've reached the end and this must happen in order for me to move on. I swallow another few tablets before throwing the bottle in the sink and reaching for the next one. I repeat what I have just done, this time with Valium. I drink the rest of my water and then leave the bathroom. I crawl into bed and I want to turn the lamp off but there was something about it emitting its glow that made me feel remotely more comfortable about this whole thing. I close my eyes and sing a song in my mind. In no time I will just fall asleep, nothing will ever change, except...this time, I won't wake up. Sure enough some time passes, I'm not sure how long, and I am on the edge of sleep. Drowsily I open the draw of my bedside table and pull out a photo album. Just managing to open my eyes enough to see a few pictures I flick through the album until I find the photo I want. The four of us standing there, smiling, laughing, loving. These were the times that mattered, these were the times that I loved. But now it's all over.

"And I wanna die on the highest high," I whispered with a smile and then sleep took me into its dark but warm embrace.

* * *

**I don't know if I'm going to write a sequel...what do you think? JBxx**


	2. Harry's POV

I laugh at yet another comment made by Danny. I'm pretty sure we've been laughing non-stop for nearly an hour now. Even though I'm laughing and smiling there is this one piece of my heart that is aching. I can't help but feel bad that we've upset Dougie. I know we have even though he didn't say it. He just got up and walked out, and I saw the look on his face as he left. Of course I never went after him because I thought he would just need some time to himself. Then we heard him come back down a bit later and I made a comment about jerking himself off because that always made him laugh and make a dirty comment, but not tonight. So now I'm beginning to worry.

"I'm gonna go check on Dougie," I say as I stand up.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea...He seemed pretty distant earlier," Tom replies.

"Yeah, maybe we should have backed off..." Danny says in thought. The atmosphere suddenly changed from happy to concern, the laughing stopped and everybody fell into thought. I headed upstairs and stopped outside of Dougie's room.

"Dougie?" I said softly and knocked on the door. There was no reply so I assume that he is asleep. I open the door quietly and step in. Dougie is lying on his bed asleep. The bedside lamp is on covering the room in a soft glow. I smile, he looks so peaceful. Then I notice that the bathroom light is on. I walk over to flick it off but just as I do something catches my eye. I flick the light back on and walk over to the sink. My heart begins to race as I reach out and pick up one of the bottles, Valium. Then I pick up the other one, sleeping tablets...And they are prescribed to Dougie. I want to drop everything and panic but I hold myself together for just a moment. I read the label on the sleeping tablets then pour them into my hand and do a rough count. Christ! There are over half missing! I drop everything and pick up the Valium bottle, and again the same thing. I drop the Valium and run into the bedroom. No more does Dougie look like he's sleeping. Now he looks like he's just overdosed. I sit on the edge of the bed next to him and gently shake his shoulder but he doesn't move.

"Dougie, wake up," I say firmly and give his face a bit of a slap. And still there is no sign he will wake up. That's when the panic sets in. I can't help the tears the instantly spill from my eyes, my hands are shaking and the choked sobs coming from my throat are ringing in my ears. With a little struggle I manage to slip myself behind Dougie so he's resting in my lap. I don't know what to do, my body is frozen, I'm in shock. I honestly don't know if Dougie is alive or...I can't even think the damn word! So I just sit here with Dougie in my arms as tears roll down my face. I know that I need to call for Tom and Danny to help me but I can't...I can't.

"...Hopefully they aren't making out," I hear Danny laugh, his voice floating up the stairs. Thank God they are coming up. When I look up Tom and Danny are standing in the doorway but their smiles fall from their faces when they see me.

"What's wrong?" Tom asks as he runs in and kneels near the bed.

"I think he's..." I sob.

"What? He's what?" Danny asks panicked.

"Bathroom..." I whisper. It's almost inaudible but they both hear it.

Tom jumps up and runs to the bathroom with Danny. In seconds Danny instantly has his phone to his ear as he steps from the room. Tom is sitting on the bed now; his eyes too are spilling with tears. I am sobbing uncontrollably and I can't breathe.

"Harry settle down," Tom tries to calm me but I'm panicking, I'm scared, I can't calm down. "Harry you need to calm down, for Dougie's sake,"

"I...He...I don't want him to...He can't be...Is he?" I choke through sobs.

"Look..." Tom says. He reaches out and places two fingers on Dougie's neck. "He's just sleeping,"

"But he won't wake up," I cry. Tom pries me from underneath Dougie so that I'm sitting on the edge of the bed with him.

"Ambulance is on their way," Danny says as he walks back in. He's been crying but whether it's for my sake or just to make himself feel a bit better he has stopped and is trying to stay strong. "Yes, I'm still here," he says into the phone, still on the line with the emergency service.

"We need to help him," I say.

"I know," Tom says but he doesn't know how we can, just like me.

"Guys...You need to get the bottles so the ambulance officers know what he's taken," Danny says as calmly as he can. I look at Tom desperately and he gets up to get the bottles. I turn back and look at Dougie. I run my fingers across his cheek.

"Excuse me sir," I look up to see a woman standing next to me, she's a medic. Tom has to move me out of the way because I just stare at her like she's from another planet. The next half an hour is the longest time I've ever seen. The medics work on Dougie and soon they are taking him away. I'm a complete wreck and Danny and Tom are struggling to keep me from going absolutely crazy. I'm sure if it wasn't for them then I wouldn't be standing where I am right now, which is outside waiting for them so we can go to the hospital. They've just spent the last half an hour calling all of Dougie's family and friends. I wanted to help but I just couldn't move, couldn't speak. I know that Danny and Tom know that and I am ever so grateful that they understand. It takes ten minutes to get to the hospital and when we do arrive the woman at the desk tells us Dougie is still in surgery and we have to wait. So we sit in the waiting room. It is so quiet.

"I never realised how beautiful he was," I whisper. Tom and Danny lift their heads. "I never noticed how blue his eyes could be some days, or they way that his lips would curl into that smile that wins so many hearts...I never realised how he would smile and laugh at the silliest of things, or they way he would make something so small such a hilarious thing..." I can't stop the words spilling from my mouth. But I feel it's the only thing I can do right now.

"...Or the way he can make the cleanest or words and sentences into the dirtiest things we have ever heard," Tom chimed in.

"And I've noticed that even though he says he always hates you touching him and hugging him...He loves it," Danny says and I look up at him and he has a small smile on his face.

"Yeah, he's always following you...It's almost as if...As if he always wants you in his sight," Tom says thoughtfully.

"I think I love him," I say. There is no hesitation in my voice, no hesitation in my mind. I've said it and I can't take it back.

"We all do mate," Danny said, reaching over and patting my shoulder.

"No, I think I really love him... I love him," I say. For a moment Tom and Danny just stare at me, their faces blank and then slowly smiles appear on their lips and it makes me feel a bit better.

* * *

**I'm curious...Should I write another two pieces? One in Tom's POV and one in Danny's POV? Let me know what you think about that idea. Oh and what did you think about this piece?**


	3. Danny's POV

I let a smile appear on my face as the words that Harry just spoke play in my mind. Then something else hits me and it is a terrifying thought. What if Dougie doesn't make it? It will devastate Harry and he will never be able to tell Dougie how he really feels. The smile is instantly wiped from my face and I turn to him and take his hand because I feel like it's the right thing to do. He looks at me a bit confused so I know I have to say it even though none of us want to hear it.

"Harry, I'm so happy that you can tell us that but..." I stop, I really don't want to break his heart anymore than it probably already is. "It's just that...What if...What if Dougie...You know, doesn't...Pull through..."

"Shut up," Harry says harshly and jumps away from me. "He will get through this!"

"Mate I know he's strong but you need to think of the possibilities," I say. I promise myself that I won't get offended by anything Harry says or does today because we are all going to feel the brunt of things for a long time to come. But when I look up and see the expression on Harry's face I want to get upset. He looks as if he wants to scream and trash the place, he looks angry. I know I need to say something but what do I say now?

"C'mon guys don't fight. Harry there was no need to yell at Danny," Tom says.

"There was no need for him to fucking suggest that Dougie wouldn't make it!" Harry says bitterly then walks off. I watch him go and I suddenly feel sicker then I had before. I take some deep breaths and try not to cry.

"You ok?" Tom asks. I shake my head as the first tear rolls down my cheek.

"I didn't mean to upset him...I was just worried about his feelings..." I say and then I really do start to cry. In seconds I feel Tom wrap his arms around me, holding me close to his chest. I haven't actually cried since at the house when we found Dougie. I'd gotten on the phone with the emergency department and broke down when the woman asked me what I thought happened. But I pulled myself together before I walked back in to face Tom, Harry, and an unconscious Dougie. One of us needed to be strong for that moment, plus I was on the phone to the emergency service and had to stay relatively calm in order to take instructions. But now...Now I am just letting go. I was never any good a hiding my emotions for long anyway. I sob into Tom's chest as he rubs comforting circles on my back with one hand, and with the other hand he runs it through the back of my hair. Whether he is just doing it out of habit or if he is actually trying to comfort me some more I don't know, but either way I like the way it feels. It's still some time before I manage to calm down and pull back. I go to wipe my face but Tom has the same idea. In unison we both go to place our hands on my cheek. His hand falls on my face first so I just let my hand rest on top of his. It's a bit of a surprise but I make no attempt to pull away.

"Don't cry..." Tom says softly as a few more tears fall. "'Cause it makes me cry when you're upset," and then I notice that his eyes are glazed with tears and he actually has been crying. There are so many things going on and I don't know if I should believe my first assumption. So without hesitation I move closer and rest my head on his shoulder. Again his arms wrap around me and soon I find myself drifting off to sleep. The last thing I feel before falling asleep is his lips brush against the side of my face in a soft kiss.

* * *

**So here wr have Danny's POV. What did you think? R&R JBxx**


	4. Tom's POV

It's been nearly an hour since Danny fell asleep in my arms. Not long after he fell asleep Harry came and told me that Dougie was out of surgery. I wanted to go and see him but I didn't want to wake Danny, so I told Harry to go sit with Dougie, try and talk to him and that I would see him later. I rub my fingers along Danny's arm, through his hair, along his cheek. It was a kind of way to reassure myself that everything will be ok. Suddenly Danny is mumbling in his sleep and then starts to thrash about as he begins to wake up.

"Danny," I say to try and bring him from the dream, well more like a nightmare, that he is having. He pulls back from my arms and looks at for a moment as if he has no idea who I am. "Danny you're ok, it was just a dream,"

"Right..." he says and rubs a hand over his face.

"Dougie's out of surgery...He's gonna be ok," I tell Danny.

"Good...Good," Danny nods. I put an arm around his shoulders.

"C'mon..." I say as I stand up and hold my hand out. He looks at it for a second then puts his hand in mine and we go to Dougie's room. I knock on the door and Harry tells us to come in. We walk in to see Harry sitting on a chair next to Dougie's bed. They are holding hands and that brings a small smile to my face. But Dougie is looking the other way, out the window, and makes no attempt to look at us, and that disheartens me a bit.

"I'll give you guys some time," Harry says. He gives Dougie's hand a reassuring squeeze before getting up and walking out. Danny and I stay standing for a minute, thinking maybe Dougie will turn around give us a smile and make joke, but of course he doesn't. So I sit where Harry had been. Danny stays standing for a moment longer before going over and sitting on the edge of the bed and then wrapping his arms around Dougie.

"You scared us Dougie...Don't ever do it again, we love you too much!" Danny says. After a few minutes Danny lets go of Dougie and looks around for another chair but there isn't one so he sits back on the edge of the bed. Slowly Dougie turns to face us and the first thing I notice is that he has been crying. I'm pretty sure he is looking for something to say but he's having trouble.

"We love you Dougie," I say. He gives us a smile and nods. It's silent and I feel like we should be making some kind of conversation. "Um, so...You and Harry been talking much?"

"Yes..." Dougie says and it's so good to hear his voice. "Is it true? What he told me?"

I just assume it is what Harry told us earlier, that he's in love with Dougie. "Yeah, it is," I say with confidence.

"Oh good," Dougie smiles. "Good for you two,"

"What?" Danny asks just as confused as I look.

"Harry said that just hypothetically there was this band and one member fell in love with another member of the band...And he asked me how I would react, and I told him I'd be fine with it," Dougie says. "So here I am, telling you that I'm fine with you two been gay,"

"Right...Yeah..." I say. "Umm...I'll be right back," I leave the room and look around for Harry. I spot him coming back from the cafeteria with a coffee in his hand.

"Is everything ok?" he asks.

"It will be...When you tell me why you let Dougie think me and Danny are going out," I say. Harry drops his head guiltily.

"I can't tell him..." Harry whispers. "I'm afraid it's gonna scare him and he's gonna...Do something stupid,"

"Harry he's not going to do anything stupid, I promise you," I say. He smiles but his eyes give him away, he doesn't believe me. It hurts me to know that one of my best friends has been hurt so much by this unfortunate event that he can't believe what I say. I should have guessed it was coming though. So I just smile back and head off to Dougie's room again.

"Dan, it's late...We should probably go," I say when I walk into the room. I'm pretty sure that Danny and Dougie have been talking and that lifts my mood.

"See you tomorrow mate," Danny says as he hugs Dougie.

"Yeah, sure," Dougie smiles. I walk over and hug him as well.

"I think you need to question what Harry said earlier," I whisper to Dougie. When I step back he looks at me questioningly but I just give him a smile then put my hand on Danny's shoulder and gently push him from the room.

"We're going home," I say to Harry. We say our goodbyes, tell each other we will come back tomorrow and then leave.

"Can I stay at your place tonight?" Danny asks me as we drive. "Don't think I can handle been on my own tonight,"

"Sure," I say. To be honest I couldn't stand him been on his own either. So maybe we do need each other more than I thought...


	5. A Right To Know

A week had passed and Dougie had been sent home. The doctor told him to take it easy and Harry was making sure Dougie did as he was told. For another whole week Harry waited on Dougie hand and foot. He made him meals, did his washing, cleaned his room, washed his bed sheets and replaced them with fresh, crisp sheets, he made sure Dougie wasn't doing anything to physically exerting and made sure that Dougie didn't stay in the bathroom for any longer than necessary because the bathroom scared him the most, he feared Dougie wouldn't come out of there.

"Harry, I think you need to back off a bit," Tom said one day as he watched Harry make Dougie a chicken and salad sandwich for lunch.

"No. Dougie still isn't one hundred percent well," Harry said as he cut the sandwich in half.

"Mate, he's been sitting on his arse, bored out of his mind for nearly two weeks now," Tom replied.

"He needs me to take care of him," Harry said before walking out of the kitchen to take Dougie his lunch. Tom shook his head. It was obvious that Dougie was better and that he didn't need Harry to take care of him with such intensity. But Harry was the only one who couldn't see it. He was blind to the fact that Dougie was well enough to cope on his own, that Dougie didn't actually _need_ him to wait on him hand and foot. Yet Dougie hadn't the heart to tell Harry to stop this intense caring. He saw the gentleness in Harry's blue eyes, the smile that would appear on his face when he accepted the gestures of kindness.

"This is going too far," Tom mumbled to himself before going up to Dougie's room. He walked in to find Dougie sitting on his bed eating the sandwich Harry had made. Harry had just emerged from the bathroom with an armful of Dougie's dirty laundry.

"Hey," Dougie smiled.

"Hey," Tom replied. "Harry, can I talk to Dougie or a minute,"

"Ok…" Harry said warily. Then he turned to Dougie "I'll be just downstairs if you need me,"

"Ok," Dougie said with a smile. Harry left the bedroom and went downstairs.

"What exactly has Harry told you?" Tom asked as he closed the bedroom door.

"Nothing…Just that he wants me to get better," Dougie said. "But I am better…"

"Well, I think you have a right to know," Tom said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"To know what?" Dougie asked.

"After you…You know…Well Harry admitted that he liked you," Tom said. Dougie looked at him with confusion. "He said he loved you…That he had feelings for you…"

"What? He's gay?" Dougie asked.

"Yes," Tom replied.

"Oh-h…" Dougie whispered.


	6. First Kiss

He stared off into oblivion as his mind paced with a thousand thoughts. Everything that had happened over the past two weeks since he'd come home seemed to take on a different meaning now. Now everything had changed. The constant worry was not just coming from the friendship they had, now it was coming from Harry's heart and soul. The gentle touches, the fingers caressing Dougie's face were not just to be playful. The way Harry would stare at Dougie for minutes on end. But for some of it he had suspicions that there was something more than just friendship which was in Harry's mind. Dougie thought about the way that, at night when Harry thought he was asleep, he would kiss his cheek and whisper "Goodnight Dougie, I love you," before going to his own bed to sleep alone and cold. But Dougie would be awake, he would hear the single sentence, would feel the kiss. He told himself that it was just a way of Harry reminding himself that they were still friends, that Dougie was still alive. But now…Now after this confirmation from Tom, he knew that Harry meant it as someone who loved and cherished him, and not just as a friend.

"You ok?" Tom asked. Dougie looked up, snapping from his thoughts.

"Yeah…I ah…I think I need to talk to Harry," Dougie said. Tom nodded, gave Dougie's arm a gentle squeeze for reassurance and maybe acceptance then left. Moment later Harry walked in.

"Close the door," Dougie said softly. Harry did as he was told and then sat on the edge of the bed.

"What's up?" Harry asked.

"Be honest with me, please," Dougie said. Harry nodded. "Is it true? That you love me? That every night when you go to leave my room and you tell me you love me…When you kiss my cheek…Do you truly mean it?"

"What? You…You know? You hear that every night? You know I kiss you?" Harry asked. He sounded alarmed and Dougie started to worry, so he just nodded. "How?"

"Tom told me about how you feel...I just thought the kisses and saying you loved me were just reassurance for you," Dougie said. He looked at Harry but Harry wouldn't look back. "Harry..."

"I just...I didn't want to tell you because..." Harry stopped. He couldn't say it.

"Because why? You thought I'd feel differently, you thought I'd get angry or disgusted...That I might try to kill myself again?" Dougie asked and they were the exact same things Harry couldn't say.

"Yes," Harry whispered.

"Look at me," Dougie said. Harry made no attempt to look up. "Harry..." But still Harry didn't move.

"I get it if you don't feel the same..." Harry mumbled.

"Harry Mark Christopher Judd, will you please look at me," Dougie said his voice full of authority. Harry looked at Dougie. Dougie sucked in a breath. He had never noticed how blue Harry's eyes could be sometimes.

"Dougie..." Harry said, though it was only just loud enough for Dougie to hear. And then he without thinking, without saying another word, he leant forward and pressed his lips to Dougie's. He kissed the younger man hoping and praying that Dougie would kiss back. And to his amazement Dougie did kiss back. He kissed back with more enthusiasm than Harry.

"Because why? You thought I'd feel differently, you thought I'd get angry or disgusted...That I might try to kill myself again?" Dougie asked and they were the exact same things Harry couldn't say.

"Yes," Harry whispered.

"Look at me," Dougie said. Harry made no attempt to look up. "Harry..." But still Harry didn't move.

"I get it if you don't feel the same..." Harry mumbled.

"Harry Mark Christopher Judd, will you please look at me," Dougie said his voice full of authority. Harry looked at Dougie. Dougie sucked in a breath. He had never noticed how blue Harry's eyes could be sometimes.

"Dougie..." Harry said, though it was only just loud enough for Dougie to hear. And then he without thinking, without saying another word, he leant forward and pressed his lips to Dougie's. He kissed the younger man hoping and praying that Dougie would kiss back. And to his amazement Dougie did kiss back. He kissed back with more enthusiasm than Harry.


	7. No

Harry couldn't believe it. He was actually kissing Dougie, he was holding Dougie in his arms, Dougie's arms were wrapped around his neck, Dougie's tongue was sliding into his mouth. Harry stopped breathing for a moment.

_Oh Christ! I'm kissing Dougie! I'm holding Dougie! His arms are wrapped around my neck! Oh my God! Dougie's tongue is in my mouth! _ Everything at that very moment, for Harry, was perfect. _Dougie..._ Harry opened his eyes. Dougie had pulled away from the kiss.

"Sorry..." Harry said because he was unsure of what else to say.

"...I don't know...If I'm gay, or even Bi..." Dougie said.

"Right..." Harry whispered as disappointment fell heavily on his heart.

"But it felt nice and if you kiss me again, maybe I'll figure it out," Dougie smiled. Harry looked at him for a moment. He wasn't sure if Dougie was just mucking around or if he was serious.

"I'll give you some time," Harry said, deciding Dougie was just joking.

"What for?" Dougie asked, his brow creased.

"You're unsure...And I...I don't want to get my hopes up," Harry said.

"Harry..." Dougie said but Harry was already walking out the door. Dougie sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, his fingers stopping to brush over his lips. The lips that just a moment ago Harry had been kissing. He stood up and walked over to the window. Upon looking outside he saw that the sky was overcast with dark clouds. Leaves scattered the ground, the wind blew through the yard and he was pretty sure it would be bitter if he stepped outside. Yes, autumn had well and truly taken over. He turned and walked down stairs. He needed to talk to Harry.

"Where's Harry?" Dougie asked Tom who was sitting in the living room.

"He went out," Tom replied. Dougie nodded and ran back upstairs. He changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before pulling on a jacket. "Where are you going?" Tom asked as Dougie opened the front door.

"To find Harry," Dougie said before walking out into the bitterness. He looked to his right then his left. And in the distance he could make out Harry's figure, getting further away as he walked. Dougie ran. Ran as fast as his legs could take him and for a while it seemed that he was not making any ground whatsoever. Harry still had his back turned, still walking forward, still oblivious to Dougie running after him.

"Harry!" Dougie called out but Harry didn't turn around, so maybe he hadn't heard him. Dougie kept running. Finally he was just metres away from Harry. "Harry," This time Harry turned around. Dougie stood still, looking up at Harry. He bit his bottom lip.  
_No..._


	8. Tears

Tears were running down Harry's cheeks. His eyes were red and starting to get a little puffy from crying. His arms were folded across his chest and his hands were curled into fists, blunt fingernails digging into his skin leaving crescent shapes. Dougie's heart broke at the sight. He hated when any of his best friends got upset but this, Harry, seeing him in this state, knowing why the tears were been shed...It made it ten times worse. Dougie opened his mouth, trying desperately to think of something to say, but nothing came. So instead he reached out and pulled Harry into a hug. He tried to fight the tears that were welling in his own eyes. It hurt so much to see Harry like this, because Harry wasn't one who easily showed his emotions publically.

"It's ok," Dougie whispered and then sobs shook Harry's body. "Don't cry...Please, don't cry...It's ok...I'm here,"

"But you almost weren't!" Harry cried and pulled away from Dougie. "You almost died! And for a while I thought that, God forbid, I would have to live life without seeing _you _every day! And I don't think I could!"

"Harry..." Dougie couldn't say anything else. He couldn't form anything that would be considered remotely comforting. What Harry had just said, and the way he'd said it...It scared Dougie. It scared him to think that someone loved him and needed him so much. And for that person to say they couldn't live without him...To actually mean it, that was the most terrifying thing going through Dougie's mind. Life as Dougie had known it had changed forever. How could he have been so selfish to try and end his life? Why had he thought no one would have been effected? He now knew how wrong he was to ever think that. His heart was breaking more and more with each tear that fell from Harry's blue eyes. He knew he was to blame for the tears.

"Let's go home and talk about this," Dougie suggested after what seemed like hours.

"And talk about what Dougie? How I love you so much? How you probably don't feel the same? How I want you so much I feel jealous when even one other person talks to you? How I just want to kidnap you and lock you away so I can have you to myself?" Harry cried angrily. He wasn't angry with Dougie. He was angry with himself. He'd let all these emotions be suppressed to the hidden rooms of his heart and now they were coming out with brute force.

"Yes, let's talk about that...And lots more," Dougie said, staying calm. He held out his hand but Harry just stared at it. Dougie let out a sigh, shrugged his shoulders and then turned and started to walk back to the house. If Harry was angry he would let him calm down before trying to talk with him. Right now he didn't want to get into an argument, he didn't have the energy. And as he walked he started to realise just how exhausted he was, both emotionally and physically. After two weeks of sitting around doing jack all his physical condition wasn't one hundred percent. And it didn't help that his body had been put under such pressure when he'd stupidly decided to over dose. He stepped through the front door and steadied himself on the doorframe. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to run so fast earlier.

"Dougie, that you?" Tom yelled from the kitchen.

"Yeah," Dougie replied as he walked up the hallway.

"Want something to eat?" Tom asked.

"No, I'm just gonna go lie down," Dougie said. He walked upstairs and into his bedroom before basically collapsing onto his bed.


	9. Maybe

Dougie woke to realise, obviously, he'd fallen asleep. He noticed strong arms were wrapped around him. Then he heard voices and kept his eyes closed.

"...Well what do you think?" Danny asked.

"Maybe..." Tom said.

"Would it change anything?" Danny said.

"Maybe..." Tom replied.

"Can you say anything else?" Danny laughed.

"Maybe..." Tom said then burst into laughter but the two quickly suppressed the sound.

_What are they talking about? _Dougie wondered. A few moments passed in silence and Dougie didn't know if Tom and Danny were still there or not.

"Well...I think they are," Danny said.

"It certainly looks like it," Tom replied and then they walked away. Dougie snapped his eyes open and rolled over in the strong embrace. He saw Harry sleeping and a smile crept onto his face. Dougie slipped from Harry's arms with as little movement as possible so he didn't wake the older man. With success he walked over to the window and looked out. The light was fading quickly, bringing on the night. He hadn't realised just how much time got away when you weren't constantly checking the clock.

_Maybe I do love him? I mean, there are so many reasons and they all sound legit...Like when I look at him I always smile. It doesn't matter what he's doing, he brings a smile to my face. The way he always looks for me if I wander off. No matter where I go he will find me. It's like he has an inbuilt 'Dougie Detector'. Now that I think about it...Yeah...He practically runs his life around me. Like the time he was going to go to a party but didn't because I was sick. He said it was because something else had come up but now I know different. So...Why can't I feel the same? There's nothing stopping Harry from loving me. And I can't see anything stopping me from loving Harry back..._

"Dougie?" Dougie turned around to see Harry sitting on the edge of the bed. Dougie started at Harry for a moment. Then he walked over and bent down. Their faces were only centimetres apart. He could feel Harry's breath tickle his lips. And that was all it took. He crashed his lips onto Harry's. Harry quickly wrapped his arms around Dougie's waist. Dougie wasted no time in pushing Harry backwards onto the bed and straddling his hips, the whole time never letting their lips part. Dougie couldn't control himself as he deepened the kiss, made it slightly fiercer. Then he realised he had absolutely no control of his body, it was working on its own terms and he groaned as Harry's hands travelled across his body. And he was sure that any minute now he would start to get hard.


	10. Take A Chance

"Stop..." Harry groaned and tried to push Dougie away. But the way Dougie had kissed him; the way he'd made those noises...It was becoming very hard to doing anything. "Fuck it!" Harry cast away his previous intentions of trying to stop anything getting out of hand. He crashed his lips back onto Dougie's. Dougie knew that this was probably going to fast but it felt so right. They kissed some more, both fighting for dominance. Hands explored each other's bodies, eliciting groans, moans and various other noises from each other's throats.

"Harry..." Dougie moaned as Harry began to remove Dougie's jeans. Harry shook his head and before Dougie knew it he was flipped onto the bed, Harry now on top of him. Frustrated that he couldn't get Dougie's jeans off with ease Harry decided to go for his shirt. Dougie slipped from his jacket easily and soon his shirt followed. Harry flung the two items of clothing off the bed. Suddenly there was a crash and he glanced over to see that he's thrown the jacket and shirt in the direction of the lamp on the bedside table, causing it to topple to the ground. He dipped his head and placed several kisses across Dougie's collar bone. Then he moved across to his neck and after a few more kisses he bit at the soft skin, making Dougie moan.

"You two alright?" Tom called from the top of the stairs. With lightening speed both boys were scrambling away from each other. Dougie fell off the bed in the process. Harry looked around to see Dougie on the floor. Not sure if Dougie had hurt himself or not he went to get off the bed but in the process had pulled the bed sheets up and his foot got caught, causing him to stumbled and fall upon Dougie. At that moment Tom walked in.

"What the? Oh my God!" Tom said wide eyed. He quickly turned his back on the two men on the ground. "I don't even want to know you are doing!"

"We're n..." Dougie started.

"La la la! I can't hear you!" Tom said, covering his ears. "What you two do in the bedroom does not need to grace my ears!" With that Tom ran off.

"Well," Harry said as he rolled off of Dougie and sat with his back against the bed. "You ok?"

"Yeah," Dougie said as he too sat up.

"That was..." Harry thought about what it was. There were so many words to describe what had just happened.

"IthinkIloveyou," Dougie rushed.

"You do?" Harry asked.

"You understood that?" Dougie laughed.

"Yeah, I did," Harry smiled.

"I think I do...So it's not definite...I may not as well..." Dougie said.

"Take a chance Dougie," Harry said, reaching out to place his hand on Dougie's cheek.


	11. Taking That Chance

"Take a chance?" Dougie questioned. Of course he wanted to take a chance. He wanted to try this, to see if he actually did love Harry. "I want to take a chance, but..."

"But?" Harry asked.

"I don't want to get hurt...Don't want you to get hurt..." Dougie said softly.

"Dougie, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. And as long as you're not hurt then I can't get hurt," Harry replied. They started at each other for some time. Harry reached out and took Dougie's hand, entwining their fingers. Dougie bit his lip, still in thought. There were two sides to every story but he felt that right now this story, his story, only had one side; and that was falling in love with Harry and everything been perfect.

"Ok," Dougie nodded. "I'll take that chance,"

"Thank god!" Harry mumbled under his breath before rushing in and claiming Dougie's lips. Their kiss was soft, sweet, passionate, everything that they both wanted. Their arms moved to embrace each other as the kiss deepened. Yes it was definitely what they both wanted, what they needed.

"Can you two not have sex while we're in the house?" Tom said from the doorway.

"We're not," Dougie said as he and Harry looked up.

"Yeah, right...You're just both half naked and making out on the floor because that's all you're thinking of doing," Tom scoffed.

"What he meant to say is..." Danny said stepping into the bedroom. "We're happy for you two,"

"Thanks mate," Harry smiled.

"Right, we'll let you get back to it...Whatever it was that you were doing..." Danny said awkwardly. As he and Tom left he shut the door, giving the two a bit more privacy.

"What were we doing?" Harry asked.

"This..." Dougie grinned and pushed Harry down, climbing on top of him and kissing him deeply. Smiling into the kiss he just knew where tonight was going to lead to and he was not going to stop it.

* * *

**Well, I must say this story is the one I enjoyed writing the most. Thank you for all the R&R, means a lot. xxx**


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